The Chapter I don’t want to read out loud

Everyone has a chapter they don’t want to read out loud. Hitting rock bottom is an inevitable truth that everyone goes through at some point in their life. And man oh man, it’s the hardest thing you’ll have to deal with in your life. But as long as you keep in mind that the only step from rock bottom is up, you will make it through.

Your breakdown is your breakthrough.

My rock bottom hit me like a pound of bricks. Just like that, in a blink of an eye, the world–my world–as I knew it was turned upside down. My downward spiral began when I finally left my ex husband. Anyone who’s been in any type of serious relationship and let it go, knows the struggle of maintaining a lifestyle you built with two incomes but suddenly only have one to depend on. It’s a hard transition, one I failed to master.

I found myself living with my little sister where we shared a room and a bathroom. That was a major hit to my pride to have to depend on little sister and inconvenience her life but she never complained and was truly a lifesaver for me. I stayed with her for about three months until I found a roommate and moved out. But believe it or not, even after this move I was still struggling.

Since I now had a larger amount of rent to pay, I became careless with my bills. It’s not that I purposely neglected them but at this point, after what I had been through, having a roof over my head was more important than my credit score.

And damn was that a mistake. Eventually my past due notices caught up with me and my car got repossessed. During this time, I was a home aide, travelling to people’s home to care for them so I needed a car! This was the straw that broke the camels back for me, I didn’t know how to come up from this.

I did my best to stay afloat by catching rides and riding the bus whenever necessary but it wasn’t enough. I ended up losing my job because I didn’t have a car.

I rolled into a major depression where I couldn’t tell up from down, or left from right. My credit score was in the dumps. I couldn’t get my car back. I could barely pay rent. The hardest part about all of this was the fact I knew I was destined for more, destined to be better than I was acting. Better than my current predicament.

Man did it take me a looonnnggg time to just get back on my feet. I went without a car for four long months. I caught the bus to work when I could, even resorted to walking to work sometimes. When I finally got a car, it was one of those “hooptie” cars that you don’t want to be seen dead in. But I drove that car like it was the best thing since sliced cheese because I was just grateful to have the convenience of a car again.

The light at the end of the tunnel during all of this was my now-husband. I met my husband two weeks before my car got repossessed. And when I tell you he stood by my side without a blink of an eye , I knew he was the man for me. And there’s honestly no way I would’ve made it through all of that without him.

The beauty in hitting rock bottom is the humbling experience it provides you. Things you once took for granted you now see in a different light. And let me tell you I was humbled to my very core. I now look back on these experiences and my life now and I’m grateful for every single one. I now have a greater appreciation for life and my place in it.

Take every failure as a lesson learned. Every experience, good or bad, is shaping you into the best person you can be. Without my failures I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength, plus there’s beauty in the struggle. 

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