Meet Me Halfway

I asked my husband a couple weeks ago about some topics he thought I should write about here on my blog and the first idea he came up with was this one: the division of household duties for couples. I immediately thought this is for sure a great topic of discussion for us gurls because more often than not it is perceived that household duties should fall on the female and that needs to change.

There’s always seems to be a power struggle in relationships due to misogynistic and “wifey” ideals. Let me elaborate, when I say misogynistic ideals, I’m talking about those men stuck in the old days that strongly believe that they can come home from work, kick back and relax, and their woman/wife serves them dinner while they watch TV and unwind. Meanwhile the wife is slaving trying to cook dinner, keep the house clean, all while taking care of the kids. Now when I say “wifey” ideals, I’m talking about those women who believe that by playing wifey, i.e. performing wifey duties such as cooking and cleaning, they will become a wife.

Now I’m not writing this to shade anyone out there who partake in either ideal. Hell, my husband is low-key misogynistic, however, he knows I am not the one to bow down to any man and tend to their needs before my own. So naturally, we have struggled trying to find a happy medium when it comes to household duties but best believe a happy medium had to be found because I’ll be damned if I’m waiting on a man hand a foot but I have to go to work everyday just like he goes to work everyday.

Ladies it is imperative that we hold our men to higher standards and insist that they help out more, because like Steve Harvey said, what you allow will continue.

Don’t get me wrong there has been a shift in society where more men are found to be taking on more household duties and there are even more stay-at-home-dads these days. However, for those of us who have two working adults within a household it does become difficult and stressful for household duties to be placed solely on the woman.

Let me break this down for you a little bit more so you can see the whole picture. I’m going to use my husband and I as an example: My husband is in the military so he typically works from 9-5 on weekdays, he is a wonderful father to our daughter, and an awesome provider by taking on the majority of our bills. However, I also work a 9-5 job everyday, I am a mother, grad student, blogger, and provider. If I was being completely honest, I’m juggling too many hats at once but the point is, no matter how many roles I take on I am still expected to be the one to cook, clean, and care for my daughter because I am a woman.

This thinking is so old fashioned and needs to cease to exist. Your significant other needs to be contributing to your household just as much as you do. Make them meet you halfway!

So how do you go about doing this you ask? Well, the first step would be to stop taking on more than you can handle. I’m not saying to stop pursuing your interests outside of the home. I’m saying if you feel like you are doing too much within the home with little to no help, and you have a partner, ASK FOR THEM TO HELP YOU OUT MORE! Now in order to get your significant other to respond correctly without getting defensive, I think it is important that you first ask, in order to keep the conversation from going left and make it seem like it’s their idea.

Once you both successfully agree that contributions to household duties should be made on both sides, you two should make a plan on how you will move forward with this new collaboration and STICK WITH IT!

For example, my husband refuses to do my daughters hair. He will send her to daycare looking crazy if I do not do her hair in the morning. So to meet him halfway and for my own sanity, I agreed to do her hair and take her to daycare in the mornings and he can pick her up in the afternoon. This way I’m holding myself accountable to plan enough time in the morning to get us both ready and we don’t have to play phone tag in the afternoon trying to figure out if one of us has picked her up already or not.

Now get this, my daughter is two and half and we just implemented this new strategy a couple of months ago. So be patient, some things you try to collaborate on will not work the first time around, but you have to keep working on it until you figure out a system that works. Do not give up because you literally cannot do it all and remain sane.

With the steady rise of working women and mothers, we need help taking care of the home and it should no longer be a responsibility solely pinned upon women to do such tasks.

So if you find yourself in a relationship, yet struggling to juggle all your hats and keep your house tidy, I challenge you to have a conversation with your significant other and ask them to help lighten your load in any way they can. It is not all on you to do everything!

Plenty of Fish in the Sea

I can’t even tell you the countless times I have comforted a gurlfriend that finds herself distraught over something their “man” did to them or a fight they had. Shoootttt, I myself have cried over many men; replayed situations over in my head about how I could of went about something differently so the relationship wouldn’t be tragically tarnished. Now that I look back, I realize how stupid I was. And as for my gurlfriends, they were just caught under a guys spell–it happens to the best of us.

But why do we allow ourselves to get so caught up in a man that is no good for us, so much so, that we are afraid to let them go?

I believe it is due to the fact that we are conditioned at a very young age that securing a man should be one of our main goals in life. Making us relationship-oriented beings that place a high value on nurturing our relationships, with our significant other at the top of the list. For this reason, we fear being alone, so we tend to stay in unfulfilling relationships.

This is absolute bullsh*t because trust and believe me when I say, that man you are with is not the cream-of-the-crop of all men. There are plenty more fish in the sea, and I feel like as women we often forget this fact and tend to hold on to failing relationships longer than we should.

Gurl, you hold all the power in the relationship, and don’t let that power go out of insecurities or fear of the unknown. If this guy doesn’t know your worth, let him go because there is a guy out there that will love and appreciate you the way you want them to. Remember you’re a f*cking catch, and if they don’t recognize that from the jump then they aren’t worth your time, effort, or love. Never settle.

Change your mindset, change your life!

Once you do this for yourself, gurl your glow up is about to be life changing. I saw this first hand with my younger sister. She was dating a guy for almost 4 years, that last year they were dating he moved across country due to his job and my sister was seriously planning on moving with him when she graduated college the next year. I think it was the long distance that put additional strain on their relationship and she made the decision to end the relationship. When she finally told me about the break up, I thought it was a little sudden and asked her, “why now?” She simply stated, “because I deserve better.”

I was blown away by her ability to see her value and know what she wants out of her relationship at such a young age. I was proud of her because it is a hard decision to make to throw away all of the time you invested in someone but she has since blossomed so beautifully.

Of course there are times when she feels lonely but I am always there to remind her of all the accomplishments she has made since then and urge her to find comfort in solace and enjoy her endless “me” time. However, when you get to the point where you are truly comfortable and happy being single, the right person will come along wanting to contribute to your growth.

With all of that said, I now challenge you to be that “sister” to friend in need of an encouraging reminder of her value to help her find peace in singleness and keep fishing.