Protect Your Energy

Your internal serenity should always be a top priority and this requires you to protect yourself–protect your energy.

Have you ever noticed how you can sometimes feel drained after being around certain people or being certain places? That means someone’s energy isn’t aligning with yours and their overall aura just isn’t for you. When this happens you need to hone into who exactly is bringing the bad energy onto you and distance yourself from them and fast!

I deliberately avoid certain people in order to protect my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. You’d be surprised how many times we put our own health to the side in order to be up under somebody that is downright no good for us whether it is through the exploration of platonic friendships or romantic relationships.

An important life lesson that everyone has to learn the hard way is that not everyone is for you! You can’t be everyone’s friend, and everyone can’t be yours. It is your personal obligation to yourself to be selective about who you allow into your space.

I’m in no way saying you should be loner and be friendless but I am saying that you have to be careful about who you surround yourself with. When you feel your energy draining in new surroundings and around certain people you have to listen to your body. When your homeostasis is threatened so is your peace of mind and no one is more important than you.

If you don’t put yourself first then who will?

I always think back to when I was pregnant when I think about the premise of protecting your energy. When I was pregnant, I didn’t f*ck with a lot of people, because I didn’t want people’s bad vibes rubbing off on my baby i.e. them affecting my mood which would in turn affect my baby. They weren’t about to have my baby out here looking crazy because the baby feeds off of the mothers emotions and overall being. So I protected myself by just not allowing myself to be bothered with any nonsense, and when I tell ya’ll I have the best child, I’m not just tooting my own horn.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be happy for you. A person’s energy can tell you more about them than their own words. Energy is real and you must protect yours.

So I challenge you to take a look at how you feel around certain people in your life and if you feel even the slightest mismatch of energy at any point of time you just might have to make your inner circle that much smaller.

The Chapter I don’t want to read out loud

Everyone has a chapter they don’t want to read out loud. Hitting rock bottom is an inevitable truth that everyone goes through at some point in their life. And man oh man, it’s the hardest thing you’ll have to deal with in your life. But as long as you keep in mind that the only step from rock bottom is up, you will make it through.

Your breakdown is your breakthrough.

My rock bottom hit me like a pound of bricks. Just like that, in a blink of an eye, the world–my world–as I knew it was turned upside down. My downward spiral began when I finally left my ex husband. Anyone who’s been in any type of serious relationship and let it go, knows the struggle of maintaining a lifestyle you built with two incomes but suddenly only have one to depend on. It’s a hard transition, one I failed to master.

I found myself living with my little sister where we shared a room and a bathroom. That was a major hit to my pride to have to depend on little sister and inconvenience her life but she never complained and was truly a lifesaver for me. I stayed with her for about three months until I found a roommate and moved out. But believe it or not, even after this move I was still struggling.

Since I now had a larger amount of rent to pay, I became careless with my bills. It’s not that I purposely neglected them but at this point, after what I had been through, having a roof over my head was more important than my credit score.

And damn was that a mistake. Eventually my past due notices caught up with me and my car got repossessed. During this time, I was a home aide, travelling to people’s home to care for them so I needed a car! This was the straw that broke the camels back for me, I didn’t know how to come up from this.

I did my best to stay afloat by catching rides and riding the bus whenever necessary but it wasn’t enough. I ended up losing my job because I didn’t have a car.

I rolled into a major depression where I couldn’t tell up from down, or left from right. My credit score was in the dumps. I couldn’t get my car back. I could barely pay rent. The hardest part about all of this was the fact I knew I was destined for more, destined to be better than I was acting. Better than my current predicament.

Man did it take me a looonnnggg time to just get back on my feet. I went without a car for four long months. I caught the bus to work when I could, even resorted to walking to work sometimes. When I finally got a car, it was one of those “hooptie” cars that you don’t want to be seen dead in. But I drove that car like it was the best thing since sliced cheese because I was just grateful to have the convenience of a car again.

The light at the end of the tunnel during all of this was my now-husband. I met my husband two weeks before my car got repossessed. And when I tell you he stood by my side without a blink of an eye , I knew he was the man for me. And there’s honestly no way I would’ve made it through all of that without him.

The beauty in hitting rock bottom is the humbling experience it provides you. Things you once took for granted you now see in a different light. And let me tell you I was humbled to my very core. I now look back on these experiences and my life now and I’m grateful for every single one. I now have a greater appreciation for life and my place in it.

Take every failure as a lesson learned. Every experience, good or bad, is shaping you into the best person you can be. Without my failures I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength, plus there’s beauty in the struggle. 

Love Yourself

I read something the other day that stated “no one is going to love you like you do.” Those words immediately struck a chord with me because it is absolutely true and we so often forget that as we go about our lives. Love is the most desirable feeling known to man, so naturally it is actively sought out.

However, loving yourself–flaws and all–is just as important as any other love relationship you pursue.

I believe self-love is slowly becoming a more keen topic of discussion but it is not practiced and encouraged as thoroughly as it should be. I think this is because sometimes we don’t know how to practice loving ourselves and sometimes we forget our value.

I went through a dark phase after I left my ex-husband where I just didn’t value myself. I mean I knew he had lost a good woman but I wasn’t acting like a good woman. I was out there doing THE MOST. And wasn’t treating myself with dignity and respect nor others. I think I was just disappointed in myself, for allowing myself to get into that predicament where I literally had to start over from scratch. I was cruel, emotionless, and downright didn’t give any f*cks.

I had to work really hard to get back to myself because I knew that wasn’t me. I’m generally a nice person, who respects herself and others, with values and morals, optimistic personality, and full of love, life, and laughter. What I learned the hard way was that self-love is the cure to self-hate.

So how do you learn to actually love yourself?

Here is my 10 step formula to self-love:

  1. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You are your hardest critic and therefore, you will own your mistake by punishing yourself–hard. Remember mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow, and hard lessons learned. After all, you are human and everyone makes mistakes which is the epitome of accepting your humanness. Once you forgive yourself for your past mistakes you can move on with your life and loving yourself regardless of your mistakes contributes to your self-worth.
  2. Treat yourself. I can stress this enough the importance of self-care. Taking good care of your basic needs such as exercise, nutrition, sleep, intimacy, and healthy social life is a great start to loving yourself. Taking care of yourself allows you to be the best version of yourself. This also includes rewarding yourself, in however you feel necessary. Me personally, I enjoy getting my nails done regularly, this might look different for you but regardless of what it is you do, you deserve it!
  3. Establish limits. Often times, we do too much for other people which takes away from yourself because you are spreading yourself too thin. Believe it or not, learning to love yourself more involves the ability to say no to work, activities or friends and family that drain or harm you physically, mentally, spiritually, or have a negative reflection on you.
  4. Practice mindfulness & move with intentionality. It is important that you are always mindful of who you are, what you think, feel, and want so that you are moving with purpose at all times. This way you will avoid getting sucked into old habits or behaviors that aren’t in your best interest. Moreover, you remain focused and live your life with purpose and design. This also includes protecting your energy, by being cognizant of the people your surround yourself with; never forget that not everyone has your best interest in mind, and not everyone should be blessed with your presence. Protect yourself–you come first.
  5. Make a list of your accomplishments. This is a great way to fall in love with yourself all over again because it serves as a friendly reminder of your self-worth. Focusing on the positive in this way will make you feel good about yourself. You can even take this a step further and have these serve as the basis of positive affirmations that you can reflect on daily.
  6. Start a journal. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences serves as an excellent form of self-therapy. Journaling is a good way to “vent,” focus on the good, learn from the bad, reflect on your actions, and dialogue with higher self. 
  7. Enjoy your own company. Have fun by yourself, take yourself on a date and go to the movies or go out to eat, do whatever makes you happy. Do things that make you feel good. The point of this is to place your own well being and happiness at the upmost regard.
  8. Try new things. You never know what you like until you try it, so why not pursue new interests. By going outside of your comfort zone you are challenging yourself to grow and be better.
  9. Give yourself a break. I know we all are busy and feel like there is not enough time in a day to get stuff done but if you could just start by dedicating 30 minutes a day to just relax. This could be in the form of a bubble bath, meditation, reading a book, listen to music, etc. Whatever calms your spirit and brings you peace, you need to practice it every day religiously. Make time for yourself! 
  10. Trust your intuition. Think back to the old wise tale I’m sure you heard at some point in your life: “never underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition, it is her secret weapon.” It is absolutely true that your intuition holds power, so listen to your gut and trust your instincts ALWAYS! Furthermore, self-trust is a vital step in achieving self-love. 

So there you have it ladies, the formula to loving yourself right at your fingertips. You might find that you do some of these things already or maybe there are some you need to work on more. Whatever the case may be, I promise you that the most essential part in living in this world as a woman is self-love because no one can take that from you.

So I challenge you to unconditionally spoil yourself, value yourself, and accept your self-worth since self-love is a priceless gift to possess.

The Journey Begins

“It is important for women to know who they are and to know what makes their heart sing.”

–Deborah Norville

It is easy to lose yourself in this cruel world. I’m sure we can all vouch to the fact that we lost ourselves at some point whether it be within a relationship, family grievances, or a difficult situation–but the most important thing is that we find ourselves. And once we find ourselves, we know ourselves.

Gurlll let me tell you, once you know who you are, no one can influence you without your permission.

And basically that’s what happened to me. I lost myself in a BAD way in a toxic relationship. I was married. I was all in which way consumed and overpowered by love where I couldn’t help but to see the best in him. I thought I could change him, make him better, until I finally realized that enough was enough. So I let it go.

After I exited the relationship, I finally saw all the damage and hurt I was living with, the bullsh*t I was putting up with, and oh how I missed myself. It’s crazy to fathom how being with one person can really change you for the worst; turn your world completely upside down.

So I did a lot of soul searching, therapy sessions, and self talks to find myself again. To get back to my morals and values my parents instilled within me. Although that whole experience absolutely sucked, it made me better.

I am completely in love with the person I have become. I’m focused, I’m strong, and I’m happy. I’m a completely different person than I was then. And for that I am thankful.

I now know who I am. And you can take it or leave it.

I am:

  • unapologetically black
  • a loving mother to an stupendous toddler
  • military wife (yes, this is my second marriage)
  • first generation college grad (I’m lowkey a nerd)
  • amazing daughter, sister, and friend
  • novice blogger & aspiring author
  • golf player
  • creative mind
  • major foodie

What makes my heart sing:

  • my adorable Aubrey (daughter) she is my EVERYTHING!
  • FOOD
  • binge watching my favorite shows (Grey’s Anatomy is my sh*t!)
  • I LOVE a good meme–I’m obsessed!
  • good sister talks (i.e. women empowerment)
  • and I love love

Of course, these are baseline insights into what makes me me. But I thought you should know who you are talking to, as we undertake this journey together to better understand our gender and life as a whole.

So I challenge you to ask yourself: Who am I and what makes my heart sing? Have you changed as the years have gone by? For better or worse? If it has been for worse, it’s never too late to re-write your story!