#MusicMatters: Karma×Queen Naija

I believe that music connects with people in the most powerful way where it just uplifts your soul, speaks to your heart, and manifests the words weighing in your mind. Music is therapeutic and the majority of songs really put into context some of the beauty and hardships you experience in life.

With that said, every once in a while when I find a song that speaks to me that I think has some valuable information that we can learn from and interpret on a deeper level I will first post the song lyrics and then breakdown the song for the major takeaways I think someone somewhere can relate to.

Our first song for #MusicMatters is Karma by Queen Naija that speaks about a relationship breakup where her partner just threw her to the side for the next chick. This is one of my favorite songs right now. Its been out for a hot minute but every time I hear it, the words she sings resonate deeply within me where I can terribly relate.

**Disclaimer** I think it is best if you first read through the lyrics and then listen to the song.


I held you down for the longest
And I was there through all of your darkest moments
Feels just like yesterday when we were homeless
Got you some bread, and start treating me bogus

Talking about you wanted something new
Like I wasn’t good enough for you
Guess you done caught you a case of amnesia
Maybe you should take a look in your rear view

Cause obviously you forgot all the times that I held you when you cried
And don’t you remember that even if you was in the wrong I stood by your side
No, I guess not, I guess not
Cause you let them thots take my spot
Congratulations to you what you wanted is what you got now

So you don’t got to worry about me
You made it clear that you’re unhappy, yeah
Go ahead and have your fun now
Just remember what goes around comes around

You don’t got to worry about me
You made it clear that you’re unhappy, yeah
Go ahead and have your fun now
Just remember what goes around comes around

I remember when you said that you could have somebody better
And I can’t even lie to you, it really messed my head up
Have me looking in the mirror disgusted with myself
Wishing that I look like someone else
Like the girls you liked on Instagram, damn

And you really had the nerve to call me insecure
Maybe it wasn’t you
Maybe it’s true I didn’t know my worth
Maybe maybe I should have loved me first
Maybe maybe I should have loved me first

So you don’t got to worry about me
You made it clear that you’re unhappy, yeah
Go ahead and have your fun now
Just remember what goes around comes around

You don’t got to worry about me
You made it clear that you’re unhappy, yeah
Go ahead and have your fun now
Just remember what goes around comes around

What goes around, it comes around
What goes around, it comes around, yeah

Let’s begin at the name of the song “Karma.” Karma is generally defined as “what goes around comes around.” In which, means that you will be held accountable for the choices you make and the actions you take. So in this song she’s taking us on a journey about how she held her significant other down when they literally had nothing, and the second they got on their feet, they started acting brand new, and thought they could have someone better than her.

I think so many people can resonate with this principle because living in todays world where you can connect with someone with just the touch of a button on any social media platform is scary. Your significant other can literally leave at any given moment and it won’t necessarily be someone in your town but can be anyone in the world. The person you’re with today can wake up tomorrow and decide they don’t want to be with you anymore for whatever reason.

However, that’s a mute point to the main point I’m trying to get at. When she says, “I remember when you said that you could have somebody better, Have me looking in the mirror disgusted with myself.” Really hit me like a ton of bricks because your significant other is one of the only people in your life that can lift you up or tear you down, and sadly sometimes it’s the latter. And that stuff stays with you, you remember the putdowns more so than the compliments and if anyone speaks to you negatively in such a way you need to nip it in the bud immediately or get to steppin’.

The last verse really was the message that stood out the most to me where she says, “Maybe it wasn’t you, maybe it’s true I didn’t know my worth, maybe I should have loved me first.” These lines right here are crucial in this world as a woman and especially while within a relationship. Before you can be with any one and truly love them and be loved, you have to love yourself first. Ya’ll already know I’m a huge advocate for self-love and I think this song drives home that necessity.

You can never allow yourself to get lost within a relationship where you lose sight of your self-worth. You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough. And you are worth it. Always know your worth because if you don’t no one else will.

Ultimately, if someone does you down right dirty, dust yourself off and keep it moving because they will get what’s coming to them, one way or another.

Well, that’s my dissection of the song, I hope y’all enjoyed the song, and the valuable lessons it teaches. And remember, treat others the way you want to be treated because karma is a b!tch!

Love Yourself

I read something the other day that stated “no one is going to love you like you do.” Those words immediately struck a chord with me because it is absolutely true and we so often forget that as we go about our lives. Love is the most desirable feeling known to man, so naturally it is actively sought out.

However, loving yourself–flaws and all–is just as important as any other love relationship you pursue.

I believe self-love is slowly becoming a more keen topic of discussion but it is not practiced and encouraged as thoroughly as it should be. I think this is because sometimes we don’t know how to practice loving ourselves and sometimes we forget our value.

I went through a dark phase after I left my ex-husband where I just didn’t value myself. I mean I knew he had lost a good woman but I wasn’t acting like a good woman. I was out there doing THE MOST. And wasn’t treating myself with dignity and respect nor others. I think I was just disappointed in myself, for allowing myself to get into that predicament where I literally had to start over from scratch. I was cruel, emotionless, and downright didn’t give any f*cks.

I had to work really hard to get back to myself because I knew that wasn’t me. I’m generally a nice person, who respects herself and others, with values and morals, optimistic personality, and full of love, life, and laughter. What I learned the hard way was that self-love is the cure to self-hate.

So how do you learn to actually love yourself?

Here is my 10 step formula to self-love:

  1. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You are your hardest critic and therefore, you will own your mistake by punishing yourself–hard. Remember mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow, and hard lessons learned. After all, you are human and everyone makes mistakes which is the epitome of accepting your humanness. Once you forgive yourself for your past mistakes you can move on with your life and loving yourself regardless of your mistakes contributes to your self-worth.
  2. Treat yourself. I can stress this enough the importance of self-care. Taking good care of your basic needs such as exercise, nutrition, sleep, intimacy, and healthy social life is a great start to loving yourself. Taking care of yourself allows you to be the best version of yourself. This also includes rewarding yourself, in however you feel necessary. Me personally, I enjoy getting my nails done regularly, this might look different for you but regardless of what it is you do, you deserve it!
  3. Establish limits. Often times, we do too much for other people which takes away from yourself because you are spreading yourself too thin. Believe it or not, learning to love yourself more involves the ability to say no to work, activities or friends and family that drain or harm you physically, mentally, spiritually, or have a negative reflection on you.
  4. Practice mindfulness & move with intentionality. It is important that you are always mindful of who you are, what you think, feel, and want so that you are moving with purpose at all times. This way you will avoid getting sucked into old habits or behaviors that aren’t in your best interest. Moreover, you remain focused and live your life with purpose and design. This also includes protecting your energy, by being cognizant of the people your surround yourself with; never forget that not everyone has your best interest in mind, and not everyone should be blessed with your presence. Protect yourself–you come first.
  5. Make a list of your accomplishments. This is a great way to fall in love with yourself all over again because it serves as a friendly reminder of your self-worth. Focusing on the positive in this way will make you feel good about yourself. You can even take this a step further and have these serve as the basis of positive affirmations that you can reflect on daily.
  6. Start a journal. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences serves as an excellent form of self-therapy. Journaling is a good way to “vent,” focus on the good, learn from the bad, reflect on your actions, and dialogue with higher self. 
  7. Enjoy your own company. Have fun by yourself, take yourself on a date and go to the movies or go out to eat, do whatever makes you happy. Do things that make you feel good. The point of this is to place your own well being and happiness at the upmost regard.
  8. Try new things. You never know what you like until you try it, so why not pursue new interests. By going outside of your comfort zone you are challenging yourself to grow and be better.
  9. Give yourself a break. I know we all are busy and feel like there is not enough time in a day to get stuff done but if you could just start by dedicating 30 minutes a day to just relax. This could be in the form of a bubble bath, meditation, reading a book, listen to music, etc. Whatever calms your spirit and brings you peace, you need to practice it every day religiously. Make time for yourself! 
  10. Trust your intuition. Think back to the old wise tale I’m sure you heard at some point in your life: “never underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition, it is her secret weapon.” It is absolutely true that your intuition holds power, so listen to your gut and trust your instincts ALWAYS! Furthermore, self-trust is a vital step in achieving self-love. 

So there you have it ladies, the formula to loving yourself right at your fingertips. You might find that you do some of these things already or maybe there are some you need to work on more. Whatever the case may be, I promise you that the most essential part in living in this world as a woman is self-love because no one can take that from you.

So I challenge you to unconditionally spoil yourself, value yourself, and accept your self-worth since self-love is a priceless gift to possess.

The Journey Begins

“It is important for women to know who they are and to know what makes their heart sing.”

–Deborah Norville

It is easy to lose yourself in this cruel world. I’m sure we can all vouch to the fact that we lost ourselves at some point whether it be within a relationship, family grievances, or a difficult situation–but the most important thing is that we find ourselves. And once we find ourselves, we know ourselves.

Gurlll let me tell you, once you know who you are, no one can influence you without your permission.

And basically that’s what happened to me. I lost myself in a BAD way in a toxic relationship. I was married. I was all in which way consumed and overpowered by love where I couldn’t help but to see the best in him. I thought I could change him, make him better, until I finally realized that enough was enough. So I let it go.

After I exited the relationship, I finally saw all the damage and hurt I was living with, the bullsh*t I was putting up with, and oh how I missed myself. It’s crazy to fathom how being with one person can really change you for the worst; turn your world completely upside down.

So I did a lot of soul searching, therapy sessions, and self talks to find myself again. To get back to my morals and values my parents instilled within me. Although that whole experience absolutely sucked, it made me better.

I am completely in love with the person I have become. I’m focused, I’m strong, and I’m happy. I’m a completely different person than I was then. And for that I am thankful.

I now know who I am. And you can take it or leave it.

I am:

  • unapologetically black
  • a loving mother to an stupendous toddler
  • military wife (yes, this is my second marriage)
  • first generation college grad (I’m lowkey a nerd)
  • amazing daughter, sister, and friend
  • novice blogger & aspiring author
  • golf player
  • creative mind
  • major foodie

What makes my heart sing:

  • my adorable Aubrey (daughter) she is my EVERYTHING!
  • FOOD
  • binge watching my favorite shows (Grey’s Anatomy is my sh*t!)
  • I LOVE a good meme–I’m obsessed!
  • good sister talks (i.e. women empowerment)
  • and I love love

Of course, these are baseline insights into what makes me me. But I thought you should know who you are talking to, as we undertake this journey together to better understand our gender and life as a whole.

So I challenge you to ask yourself: Who am I and what makes my heart sing? Have you changed as the years have gone by? For better or worse? If it has been for worse, it’s never too late to re-write your story!